I always get scared that at some point I’m going to lose it and just sell all my stuff. Get in my car and drive to Ottawa. Ditch the car when I run out of money and start hopping trains. It’s weird because I don’t feel like I’m that far away from all of that, not when I’m sitting in my basement apartment staring at my walls, or when I’m walking through the streets in this town, or when I get in my car, start the engine, and turn on some good music. I feel like I could be in a gutter eating mystery pills. It wouldn’t be so different from my life here right now. Pills and whiskey in a movie theatre, flickering fluorescents, shoes worn through from walking, loose change clattering in my pocket like it needs a pay phone. One day I know I’ll make that decision. The decision between being a kid with nothing and a piece of mind, or a kid with everything and no peace.
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