Then, you always were captivated by self sacrifice. However admirable, your eagerness to give your life over to another may have been due in some small measure to the fact that when your life was wholly in your lap, you didn't know what to do with it. Self sacrifice was an easy way out, although I know that sounds unkind. But I do believe this aspiration of yours - to rid yourself of yourself - burdened everyone who came to depend on you hugely.
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